So I was a bit depressed last night.
Ever since I gave birth, I have—on three different occasions—received calls from my former boss offering me various work. Each one, mind you, was better than the other. When I turned down offer #3 yesterday, my boss and I ended the conversation with her stressing that anytime I'm ready to go back to work, I should give them a call.
On one hand, it's flattering that they want me back so much.
On the other hand, it's also quite depressing that they want me back so much. Not to sound vain, but even when I was working for them, I knew how valued I was. So after that offer yesterday, I couldn't help but wonder how my career would've progressed if I had stayed on and enjoyed their good graces.
Which led me to think what if I hadn't gotten pregnant in the first place? Because that's what led to the resignation.
And then which made me think what if I hadn't gotten married nalang? Because that's what led to the pregnancy.
I had friends who used to bemoan life's "what if's" and I always rationalize that it's normal to think such thoughts because "the grass is always greener on the other side." Now, for the first time (at least for the major first time), I find myself thinking about the neighboring grass as well.
I know I can always go back to work... in five, six years maybe. But by then, will I still be as young, energetic and talented enough to make inroads in my career? That's what scares me.
And yes, there's always freelancing, but call me vain again—it's different when you have a calling card that comes with an impressive-sounding designation attached to an impressive magazine. For me, freelancing is like being a jack-of-all-trades; when you work full-time, you're the master of a particular domain.
So why not just go back to work now? Because I can't leave Justin just yet. Because I swore I'd be a hands-on mom and refuse to end up with a child who's closer to his yaya than to his own parents. So yes, I started this work vs. family dilemma in the first place. Hay.
But I think I can go on to being a stay-at-home mom until my kid/kids are of school age.
If only my former boss would stop calling.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I know what you mean about all these "what if's" -- get it all the time but on the flip side of the coin...
"What if I had gotten married instead of being where I am now in my career?"
Sigh - like u said, the grass is always greener. But, two things:
1) I respect that you're making and sticking to a commitment that you made to your child and,
2) you'll always be young, energetic and for sure TALENTED. That's something that you'll never have to worry about!!
consider this. can you imagine your life now without your son? your husband? would you have preferred that life? at the end of the day, what does matter to you?
Jac, if you do consider freelance work with a good title (at may calling card pa!) while still being a stay-at-home mom, email me. :)
ooohhh. jac! u have another job offer from heinz o!
Post a Comment