Couldn't resist posting this before I went to bed...
One of the topics covered over lunch today was jealousy. Specifically, Dennis asked us girls if it would be all right if our boyfriends were to go out with their exes--just the two of them, like a totally innocent, "let's-get-together-and-catch-up-after-all-we're-still-friends-naman-right?" afternoon of coffee. I'm pretty sure we all said no... not because we're jealous and insecure, but more of because it just feels weird... After all, we're talking about a person our partner had loved once. What if there are still residual feelings or unresolved issues? *Shudder*
Funny, but before I had a boyfriend, I never thought of myself to be the jealous type. I was all, "Do whatever you want, if you cheat on me I'll leave you and it's your loss." And then came Eric... who's never had a girlfriend before me. Problem solved? Not really. Because what he had was worse: a close friend who was a girl!
Now for someone like me who came from an all-girl high school (meaning I had a lot of close girl friends and zero close boy friends), I believed platonic relationships were not possible--you cannot be that close to someone of the opposite sex and not have one of you develop romantic feelings for the other (a belief I maintain to this day). I trust Eric completely when he tells me he did not and does not feel remotely attracted to her, but I wasn't so sure about her (again, a belief I maintain to this day).
I'm quite open about my jealous feelings to Eric, and he finds the whole thing quite amusing. I don't think he minds, because at least I'm able to "control" it-- as in I don't forbid him from talking to her or seeing her, and I don't give him grief if they do (I just tell him I feel all "Arghhh!!!!" at the thought).
I hate the feeling of being so jealous and, ick, insecure, but I think it'll take a long time before it goes away. Eric actually thought my jealousy would subside once he proposed; let me think...nope, sorry, not one iota. Hmm, maybe when he starts showing some jealousy on his end....But that issue deserves another post altogether...
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5 comments:
hehe. lemme see.
been through the "other-girl-wanting-to-catch-up-and-present-girlfriend-gets-jealous-and-tries-to-kill-you" issue. not good at all. and as with you, my girl is quite secure when i tell her i ABSOLUTELY am not attracted to her anymore. it's the girl she's afraid of. problema talaga pag habulin. hehehe.
buti nga sayo, eric has not had a relationship before you two met. eh paano ako?!? or si glenn, for that matter?!? mwahahahaha.
i missed those arguments the block used to have on platonic relationships. just to clarify, i'm on your side. i don't believe in that.
ahhh... and the issue about us having to show jealousy. hehehe. will wait for that post.
coffee reunion na, jac.
This is interesting! More blog posts on this topic... :)
hahaha.
I'm not sure how i really feel about "exes- becoming friends".. hindi yata magwowork yun! Although depende which way you look at it. I think i can be friends with my ex, but i don't think i would want my current to be friends with his ex? does that make sense? :P selfish ba? haha.
On platonic friendships... My theory is... usually, one person will think of the other in a more "romantic" light (at one point... like mga "what if" moments lang), but will opt to stay friends nalang either because duwag to make a move or because ayaw masira friendship or because wala pala talaga... and then nagiging "platonic" na from then on... watcha think?
Hi Secret,
Hmm, you raised a lot of interesting points :)
Re being friends with your ex--yes, I believe it's possible. Just don't expect you to be friends right away after the breakup. Let time heal all wounds first. The friendship will gradually rekindle :)
Re your bf being friends with his ex--Hahaha, while I've never experienced this one, I agree with you 100% I don;t think it's selfish, it's just human nature. But if the situation is already present, I think we have no choice but to just grit our teeth and bear it :)
Re platonic friendships--Good point, but it's those "what if" moments that scare me :)
haven't had time to visit blogs but nice to see you're as prolofic as ever!
ah jealousy... man, where do i begin? i can so relate. jealous of ex's, close / best girl friends (whatever), new girl friends, old re-appearing girl friends - you name it.
and just why is it that it's so one-sided???
because i'm such a movie person, on this topic, i have to refer to "When Harry Met Sally"...
Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.
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